It's here.. my baby is 1!

It's here, my baby is one. I could lie and say I'm not going to ramble in this post, but who am I kidding! Bring on the run on sentences!

I'm sitting here at 2am, watching him sleep on the couch while I'm surrounded by scraps of paper and party supplies. Exactly one year ago tonight I was up until about 3am, packing our hospital bag... making sure every detail was covered.. all of his newborn diapers that I had spent the past 38 weeks collecting.. his going home outfit that his big brother Jake wore home and I had saved for our next baby to wear, a blue romper that says 'the one I love'.. new soft and comfy nursing PJ's for me.. our big soft body pillow.. everything perfect but still in my mind nothing was right. Now I sit here getting ready for your big Willy Wonka party Saturday, cutting out tiny pictures of his face, gluing them onto toothpicks for his cupcake toppers, gluing his birthday banner onto ribbon, making about 30 pom poms out of tissue paper with a list a mile long of things to finish up tomorrow.. but again.. nothing will be right and I still have the butterflies! 

The past year has been amazing, I really never knew if I would be blessed with another baby and to have him in our lives is a joy, every single day. He is my spunky, funny, cranky, blonde hair, blue eyed, Mama's boy. We've moved from TN to TX, we've watched his older brothers and sister play soccer, we've gone swimming, went for walks, gone to the water park, went for a swing at the park, bounced at the inflatable jump place, played in the rain, Ikea, mall, watered the flowers, hit a pinata. You've smiled, coo'ed, batted at toys, sat up, crawled, laughed, fed yourself, walked, said Dada, said Mama, got 8 teeth, played peek a boo, blown raspberries, went Trick or Treating, opened up Christmas presents, hunted for Easter eggs, wrestle with your brothers. But my most favorite memories of this past year are the first time I heard your sweet little whimper, the first time I held you, the first time I saw you smile, the first time you nursed, the first time you looked at me with that look of pure love in your eyes, watched you walk to me, you've literally grown up in my arms. 

The bond that we have is beyond words, as a new Mom with life budding in your belly you sometimes wonder how can I love another, will I love, how is it possible.. but something happens.. a Mother's love grows, I believe her heart literally expands. I had so many expectations when I was pregnant with you, I wanted to be able to nurse you for at least 6 months, I wanted to wea.......

~insert break here as my ONE year old woke up for milkes at 3am and forced me to bed.. hehe.. not that I minded snuggling at ALL!!~

Just as I spoke about our bond you wake up! HA!

Well, happy birthday baby boy.. may you always carry that sweet smile, silly laugh, simple pleasures and joy with you. You make your Mommy so so happy. I am overjoyed at my body for being able to nurture you for the past 20 months, you grew in my belly and have officially nursed for a year. You've slept with me every single night for the past year, snuggled under my arm so I could feel your soft breath all night, you've grown in my arms this year and even though it doesn't feel like it, I know I've soaked up every single moment. You've given me so many reasons to smile and I can't wait to see what you have in store for us this year! 

Happy Birthday Zane.. I promise I only shed a few tears last night as we fell asleep and I'll try my hardest to keep it in this weekend! ;)