So I enjoyed my pregnancy, I tried to take pictures every week, I rubbed my belly, I rented a heart monitor and listened to his tiny heart beating almost everynight from the time I first heard it at 12 weeks, I would lay there in bed with the speaker against my ear imagining my tiny baby growing inside of me. I talked to him, I played music for him (which at times was Red Hot Chili Peppers, but hey, it is still the only thing that gets him to calm down in the car, he loves the song Snow Hey Oh), I went to all of my doctor's appointments, I stared at the ultrasound screen when I got to see him and teared up with joy, my son, my little tiny man, Chris and I created life! I loved being pregnant, and although I couldn't wait to meet my new man I loved having him safe inside of me just as much, even though I was as big around as I was tall (yes, I am serious) and got stretchmarks up to my neck (no, not literally) I loved every single second of it.
So they tell me he is getting too big at 36 weeks, send me for an ultrasound at 37 weeks and tell me he is already 8 pounds and getting too big for me to have naturally. They induce at 38 weeks... what a tease! Nothing, I had to come home with no baby! So we tried again at 40 weeks, and finally had to do a c-section to get him out of there. What a defining moment in your life. The doctor comes in and says, I recommend that you get a c-section, that baby is just not going to come out I'll leave you to decide. So you think about it... oh man, that means that the baby is going to be here, I mean you know the baby is going to be here, we had everything ready, his room was all ready to welcome him his going home outfit was neatly packed away in his diaperbag with his name embrodered on the outside of it everything was there, except the baby. So to make the final word and say, yes take him out. I don't know it is hard to explain until you've been there. To know that at that moment your life will be forever changed. Even though you know it will be when you get pregnant it still isn't until you are holding that life in your arms.
So we said yes and in 10 minutes there I was all alone laying on the operating table unable to feel my whole body (she gave me too much meds) knowing I was about to meet my son. 5 minutes later I hear the doctor say... who's got the red hair!!!!... and out he was... red hair and all. He whimpered a little, but for the most part just looked sad, pulled out of his cozy home into the bright lights and loud people. They held him up for me to see, but only for a second. I couldn't even touch him because both of my arms were so numb I couldn't move them. They put him under the warmer, but I still couldn't see him because of the shade they put over me so I couldn't see my guts all out on the table. They wrapped him all up nice and neat and gave him to Daddy. I finally got to kiss him and tell him that I loved him, I cried, there he was, this little life that I listened to for so many nights, those little feet that kicked me everyday, that sweet sweet red hair, and those beautiful eyes and soft skin... we did it Daddy... welcome Jake! After I told him I loved him they took him away to the nursery while I was stitched and stapled up and then I was off to recovery. I felt fine, all I wanted was to see my baby, but they made me stay in there, they said at least 3 hours... but no, I want to see my son!! He was all the way across the hospital from me, which could have been thousands of miles for all I cared. I was fine, I felt like I could have walked away... of course it was all of the pain meds talking. But they did say I did extreemly well. I tried to pass the time by calling family and talking to the famliy that was there with me, but all I wanted was my baby. I laid my hand on my belly and it was empty... I needed to hold him! Chris brought me the camera and I got to see the pictures of his first bath, his silly little toes and his lumpy head from being in me crooked. Finally after a few hours they let me go into my room, Chris tried to bring him in, but the mean nurse told him to leave and take the baby... what... no... he was almost there... I wanted to hold him!!!!! So out they went and of course what seemed like forever passed the nurse finally brought him back in and I got to hold my sweet baby and I didn't let go for hours. I held him all night, he was wide awake for hours and we just laid there and looked into each others eyes. I didn't talk, didn't sing, it was more than that, I told him with my heart how much I loved him and that I would always be there to protect him. I cherished every single second of our first meeting and every single second of our life together in the past 9 months. He has gone from a sweet little 9 pound baby, to a goofy little 25 pound man, he loves his family, he is happy, he is snuggily and silly. He is my angel. Can you tell... I am so in love.
If you enlarge the picture above, you can even see just how fast my heart was beating in the monitor behind me, I was exploding inside... so happy!
So happy 9 months little Jake, Mommy loves you more than you will ever know!
Love,
Mommy
I'll post some 9 month pics tonight.
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